'Wellness'

Can we just be real here? Is anyone else over the pompous demeanour of the wellness industry and thinks it’s a load of kale-covered rubbish? I mean come on. I am all for self-development, being true to yourself and being authentic. I am all for being active too! And the whole mindfulness thing, taking time for yourself and resting and recharging and whatnot; I am ALL about the rest day action. But I am getting a little over this superficial industry and those preaching about how great they feel after smashing a green smoothie and covering themselves with coconut oil. Don’t lie to me! Nothing tastes as good as a big fat bowl of spaghetti Bolognese followed by a Coles peanut butter ice-cream chaser and everyone knows it. And zucchini is not, nor will it ever be, a suitable ‘replacement’ for pasta, ever. That idea really has to be knocked on the head right now.

Food should be enjoyed! And by food I do not mean the equivalent of something so mediocre in flavour it resembles cardboard at best. Yes we all love eating nice healthy meals, fresh fruit, veges, lean proteins (fire up the barbie!!) but when did we turn in to a world of people who actually LIKE eating brown rice and kale? It tastes like crap! I don’t give a fuck. I will call it. I don’t eat junk all day every day, but I do eat damn real delicious normal food. Like cake. Seriously if we cant have a bit of cake every now and then, what the hell are we even doing here? I ask you!

No one can tell me they think chocolate mousse made from fucking avocado is ‘oh so delicious’ because we all know it is nowhere near as delicious as the real thing! And, if one even had the slightest knowledge pertaining to the nutritional breakdown of food, they would realise that this so called ‘healthy version’ is likely to be made up of a heap more calories anyway, so the whole point of it kind of goes out the window. Calories matter, sorry team but they do. They matter more than most things believe it or not.

The majority of these ‘healthy’ snacks, ironically, are absolutely calorie laden. It’s these foods incorrectly labelled as healthy which are causing some problems. Rather than try to avoid the real thing, and instead make cakes from nuts and coconut oil, they’re completely missing the point and in the process are generally upping the calorie count 10 fold.

Another problem is this whole idea of trying to create ‘macro friendly’ (why not just say low cal… that’s what they mean isn’t it?) ‘healthy’ ‘natural’ or whatever, food replacements because when you break it down nutritionally it is actually a waste of time. What exactly is the point of making food that tastes like nothing, to try and be ‘healthier’? And often the ingredients used, albeit natural, are actually higher in cals anyway (as with avocado chocolate mousse) so it’s either lacking in flavour, or increasing in calories (or both), which doesn’t make any sense. Protein cheesecake? Just have the damn cheesecake and work out how much you’re allowed. And have a protein shake and a bit of fruit with it if you’re that worried.

‘Pancakes’ made from just egg whites? That ain’t a pancake no matter how much you want to believe it is. And egg white alone, without the yolk is what I can only assume you must get served for breakfast in hell.

All of this ‘macro friendly’ BS is just as bad as the connotation that consuming some foods somehow makes you morally superior to others. Just because I eat burgers doesn’t mean I’m not healthy. Just because I would never go bunless on a burger doesn’t mean I’m not either. We all need protein, fat and carb to survive and in a very basic sense this is all that matters. Whether we choose to get it from ‘clean’ (eye roll) sources or not really shouldn’t matter; it is all just FOOD. And it should come down to personal preference and flavour (and thus my point, no one can really like quinoa and wood chip salad so stop pretending, ploise).

Certain foods taste good. Hell sugar tastes good! Those on the anti-sugar brigade spouting the absolute nonsense that sugar is ‘toxic’ really need to shut up too. Because even if it was (it’s not) who fucking cares?! It tastes good and it's ok to enjoy that fact. No, maybe not all day every day, but in moderation and in amounts appropriate to you and your goals, is completely ok. Common bloody sense tells us that. It is completely possible to eat normal food and maintain good health and a healthy weight range. Those on their pompous quests to build ‘health from the inside out’ are losing their minds. Newsflash – ALL foods are made up of calories, and we need calories or we die. The food you eat, be it classed as ‘healthy’ or not, doesn’t relate to anything aside from some kind of moral superiority it seems these days. I don’t give a fuck if people want to judge me because I eat sugar – I don’t judge them because they don’t; it does correlate to their IQ level though (our brains like sugar/carbs…) :P

If people don’t want sugar then ok, they don’t have to have it. But if you are one of those people, I don’t agree with you pushing your agenda on to others under the false pretence of it being ‘toxic’. It is quite simply untrue, and the toxicity is in the dose. For a fun fact look up the physical amount of sugar vs the physical amount of salt that is toxic to a human (or the LD50 of each).

And those on the detox bandwagon I am really starting to wonder WTF they are actually on. Are they swapping sugar for actual cocaine? (It’s totally as addictive didn’t you know… LOL) Because the whole connotation that we need to ‘detox’ to me seems like the attitude of someone who clearly is high. Detox from what exactly? Detox from life? Detox from food? From calories? Living? I DON’T UNDERSTAND!

I am a qualified chef. I am completely about the flavour, but not to the detriment of my health. I am bang on with each and every blood test I get, and shock horror I eat sugar, and I drink wine, and I eat steak and cake and all of the good stuff. The difference is, I eat everything in moderation. I have a high carbohydrate diet because my body responds well to this; I train hard, I am tall, I don’t want to look ‘flat’ or too lean because I look better with some fat on me (and muscle) and I want to feel fit and strong. My build is better for this. Some people are smaller, and I am not saying that’s not ok either. I don’t believe in health at any size as common sense tells us there should be some limitations on this, but I don’t believe in bullshit weight loss fads or restriction either. I believe in being active, having balance, practicing moderation, and being happy. I don’t believe for one second that someone on the ‘wellness’ buzz is happy. The first clue is that it’s all they ever talk about! There is more to life that what you fucking eat. Like training (:P) going to the beach and riding motorbikes! Going out with friends, spending time creating and building something. And laughing and eating good food! Those obsessed with how they look and what they eat over how they actually feel have got it all wrong in my book. They are frauds. They play this fake game telling people they are happy sucking on their wheat grass juice when in reality all they probably need is a bit of cake, and a decent glass of red.

Vive la real food resistance, and eat the cake!